I'm just a mom

So today I attended R's open house for school aka daycare. It was very surreal. I know I have to go back to work--eventually ...and I know that work provides for Royce's home, food, and clothing, but-- I'm his mama!!! I feel like I'm letting him down,like I owe it to him to be with him. I chose to have him, not the other way around. I calculated it and he will actually be there more waking hours then with me. I shouldn't have calculated it :-o.


I'm grateful that I've had all this time off with him. When I do go back to work I will have been home with him a total of 3 months. In fact, I should be back at work now because my maternity leave has ended. After scrambling around trying to find childcare for the two weeks my provider would be closed I decided to extend my leave. I knew it would mean hard work for me prepping from home for the beginning of the year, but I also knew it would be worth getting R to the three month mark. Mr. Blog supported it and said that he was sure R would love more time with me too.

In total it will have been 4 months since I have worked ( minus sub plans and setting up my room). I realize that some people don't even get that. They get six weeks and that's it. *Sigh* I would have too if his birth hadn't coincided with summer vacation. In some European countries moms get 3 years off for child rearing--3 years! In a perfect world I would have been able to stay with him for six months at the very least.

So back to open house. As we walked up to the door I whispered to him that this was his new school, and he would be starting soon. I met his teachers and toured the room. I thought of all the milestones he would accomplish there and then I thought selfishly that I didn't want him to accomplish anything there. I want him to do it all in my presence. He just started sitting up when you hold him about 2 weeks ago and he just started gripping last week. He is so, so, proud of himself when he picks up a toy or grabs your necklace, his blanket, or your hair! He'll be teething, sitting up, crawling, walking---all for the first time, possibly without me. It's a hard thought to wrap my head around.

As I stood there listening to the smiling teachers I watched my son. One of the teachers asked if she could hold him and he was just smiling and cheesing away. He looked so comfortable. Meanwhile my head was spinning. I was glad he seemed at ease because it made me feel a bit better. I will take him to daycare a few days next week so that we can both feel more comfortable with it.

One Month/Two Months

I thought I would update with R's monthly pictures. Every month I'm trying to take his picture next to the Pooh Bear so I can track his growth. Notice how he tries to copy Pooh in both. Genius!


one month


two months

Milkface

That’s what I call the look that R gives me when he finishes a meal. His cheeks are full like a little chipmunk. His eyes are closed and all you see are these long lashes that extend for miles. It reminds me of these cherub faced angels I’ve seen on a Hallmark card. If he is particularly satisfied with his meal he’ll even bust out a smile or two. At least I like to think that’s why he is smiling. I’m exclusively breastfeeding and it’s hard, so maybe my thoughts are a way to pat myself on the back.

Yesterday R had his 2 month checkup and shots. It only cost me 10 bucks. Gotta love insurance. It was my first solo doc visit with R. When the doc came in he just stared—she called him serious, and said he looked mature and acted like a much older baby. He finally smiled at her. She held him while I put all the paperwork away and she talked to me about the next milestones I should look for. I really like her bedside manner. It puts me at ease and I don’t feel like I have to yell out questions as she backs out of the room. We’ll see her in two months for more vaccinations and his 4 month checkup.

This was the office visit game plan:
1. Ask the nurse to give R Tylenol as soon as we check in the room.
2. Ask if it would be okay to give R a bottle during the shots.
3. Ask for some time in the room so that I could finish bottle feeding/and or comfort breast feed if need be.

It didn’t go according to plan because for one, we had to wait over an hour for the appt. By the time R went into the room he was hungry,so I had to feed him in there while we waited for the doc. I was so frazzled getting the milk together that I forgot to ask for the Tylenol right away (the nurse gave it to him after his shots). After the shot the only comfort R really wanted was to be held by me while I told him how brave he was and how proud I was of him. He did get the Tylenol after the shots. While I was putting his onesie back on he made the weirdest cooing sound I had ever heard him make. It was a cross between a yelp and a slur. I think it was the drugs finally hitting him. I Guess he is going to be a lightweight like his mama.

Milestones to look for until 4 month appt- rolling over, tracking items across the room , better head control, enormous amount of weight and height growth.




He received 2 Bugs Bunny Bandaids. His onesie said "Little Tough Guy"

2 Month Eve

On the eve of Royce's 2 months he sits in his swing full, happy, and cooing away, busily kicking off his Ellen show abajam blanket. Meanwhile Mr. Blog is out picking up our Thai take-out from one of our favorite restaurants. When he returns we'll be dining on cashew nut chicken, pad see aew and a sampler of appetizers. Today was a lazy family Sunday of sleeping in , a mama cooked pancake breakfast, and family naps . I loved it. Family life is beginning to fit more and more.

The events of his birth still play in my mind like clock work. What I did on his birthday, how I reacted, how I asked his dad to rub my back in the evening thinking I was just dealing with pregnancy pains... only to find out later that I had been in the early stages of labor all along. What I thought before would be an unrepeatable event, ME giving birth and being pregnant, has actually become a sea of what ifs and we'll sees. What would his life be with a brother or sister? How would our lives be with another baby? Could I do it all again? Don't get me wrong. I do remember the trauma and the pain I went through but the wonderfulness of this thing called parent hood is melting my hesitation away. To go through all of that was horrible but to be rewarded with my beautiful and ever changing baby boy is priceless.

I can officially say that I no longer feel like I'm on the outside looking in. Instead of empathizing with parents I understand where they are coming from. That's a switch. I replay various parent/child scenarios from the past in my mind and can realize how they reacted that way. I even remember the big to-do people were making about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes when they had Suri. People questioned them and asked if the baby was even real, just because they chose to keep her inside awhile. Now, as a new parent, I completely understand. Can we say germs anyone? Coughing, sneezing, and hovering paparazzi around a new baby. No thanks. We've even kept our own baby looked in his castle so to speak. So far The most people he has been around at once has been at the doctor's office. That is by choice. We are waiting for his first round of shots before we acquaint him with the outside world. His 2 month appt. will be Wed. so we'll see what happens then. I'm dreading the shots as much as if I were getting them myself.

The Many Faces of Royce

I've just been told that I don't update this blog nearly enough with pics of the baby so here goes:


The Thinker



The Scream (reminiscent of some painter)




I call it--Look into my eyes, you'll want to give me milk




Just Happy



Royce as the Hulk!



An image we don't like to see too often-The Meltdown.

Time flies when you're in heaven

The cutest angel turned one month old yesterday. He also had his first outing at grandma and grandpas. We ate hotwings and watched Ghost Rider. He did really good. He slept most of the time and then my mom fed him with a bottle. He did pretty good with the bottle but then he was off looking for me again. They were surprised at how much he has grown and they had just seen him Tuesday! All in all we had a pretty good day.

!!!

Royce is almost a month old! He'll actually be one month old next week. I can't believe it. Where did the time go? Stupid mom (me), I actually thought he was one month old this week. I thought once he hit 4 weeks he was considered one month. I guess it's at the 5 week mark. It will be so weird to refer to him in months and not so much weeks. There is so much he can do now, I can't wait to see what the future holds. One thing he has been doing since oh about day 3, is trying to hold his head up on his own. His dad, me, and the rest of the family were amazed with his range of movement. I almost cried, but not tears of joy. I thought- he's trying to leave me and grow up too fast and he just got here. He's not supposed to be doing that yet! On a side note, when you pick him up he also tries to push off on you and jump up and down. Today we let him try tummy time on his Boppy and he did a pretty good job. He didn't cry and neither did I ;)



Starting out



Okay, what do I do next?



*This is kinda fun*



I'm outta here!



Foiled again...

For all who dare...

This was Royce's first time in a swing. Notice the clasped feet!



Its taken me 3 weeks to post my birth story. I've started and stopped writing my story numerous times over the last several weeks. I recently wrote to a co-worker about my experience and decided to use that as my post so here goes:

My labor and delivery was not what I expected. I ended up having rolling contractions so they did not stop, just one after the other. By the time I reached the hospital I was already 4 or 5 cm dilated so they admitted me that was at 1:30 am. I ended up delivering Royce at 8:33 a.m. When I was about 7 Cm's I couldn't take the pain any more, plus it was hard to ignore the suggestions of an epidural. I even tried sitting on the bouncing ball but that did not work . I went in with an open mind and just wanted to see what my body was capable of. Plus, side note I am a big baby when it comes to needles . I got an epidural. It did not work. I had to be re shot! I was hunched over a table for 45 minutes getting poked in the back, being told to keep still, and my contractions never stopped the whole time. I was in so much pain. I even called out for my mom. I guess it was bad b/c they allowed her to be in the delivery room even though there was a limit to how many were allowed in. I had planned on just having myself and my husband in the room :). By the time I was fully dilated the epidural started working. This was when I needed to feel to push, but instead I was numb. They had to bring out a bar I could place my legs on and a sheet I could pull on (almost like I was doing sitting crunches) for me to push the baby out. I did it though! After he was out I cried and cried. They cleaned him up and placed him on me.

The next day I started to get a mind searing headache. It felt like a combination of a hangover or migraine that I've heard about (I've never had one before). I told my nurse about it in passing but I didn't think anything of it. I thought it was just the after effects of giving birth. Plus, I was having painful lower back muscle spasms. I had a great nurse!! She was so concerned she called the anesthesiology department and arranged for them to come speak with me. I thought she was making a big deal out of nothing, but I was still grateful.

It turns out I developed what is known as a spinal headache. The hospital tried to correct it by hooking me up to an IV with caffeine and a salt solution for 24hrs but that did not work. They said I could try another option which is known as a blood patch and requires a third shot. It is very much like an epidural except some of your blood is taken out and pumped back into your spine. The after affects were that I could not hold anything heavier then the baby for 48-72 hours after and I had to spend the majority of my time lying on my back or else there was a chance it would not work. It was hard to do this with a baby but my husband, parents, and mother in law pitched in to help. I'm so glad the blood patch worked because I was given an example of someone who had to have the procedure done 4 times before the pain went away. I'm just starting to feel like myself. Whew that is a long story!

Guess who's here?

I couldn't wait to go to Bob's just for this photo! Hehe!



Okay, now for the blog world debut of Royce:

I guess he takes after me...

My first Mother's Day (as a momma to be) was awesome. I didn't really expect much, but I woke up to a sweet card from Mr. Blog thanking me for all I've done so far to make sure our son is healthy and happy and these:

A dozen beautiful red roses!


Then Mr. Blog proceeded to make me a breakfast of hash browns, waffles, and sausage.

After breakfast, Mr. Blog and I went to Babiesrus to get some last minute things and use our completion certificate and gift cards. We were able to get over $100 of stuff for $30. That was nice. Next, we went to my parents for a bbq. I love my dad's bbq. I've already put in a request for it once the baby is born :P. Well my family surprised me too. Check it out:


They bought me the bath, lamp for the nursery, baby book (I've been stressing about this b/c I wanted to take it to the hospital to get the baby's foot and hand prints ), and a Coach purse and wallet!

I'm excited to meet my son but I am nervous at the same time. I am truly blessed to have the love and support of family and friends and that strength has been pulling me through. I'm really scarred at the thought of delivery. I cry when I get a shot! Haha. But, all the support and excitement has got me caught up too. I don't think it will be a piece of cake, but I am coming to peace with everything. I better right? I only have 12 days until D day.

One Spoiled Baby

A backwards tale.

Wow, today was the 3rd baby shower for the baby. I can't believe it. On Tuesday I was asked by the social committee if it would be okay for them to throw a shower for me on Friday after work. It was fine by me. Usually the shower consists of cake and punch and we all sit around talking. That was what I was expecting. Well it turned out to be a joint shower with a co-worker who is one month behind me. I was glad about that b/c I hate sitting around getting stared at. I'd much rather share the love. What surprised me though was people actually brought gifts. Gift cards, outfits, accessories,even a check so I can get what I need. I am truly touched. Wow. When I asked a coworker how I looked he remarked "pleasantly pregnant". I'll take that.


Cake from the work shower.


On Sunday April 19th was my women only shower. This shower was hosted by my bestie with help from my mom. It was thrown at my clubhouse which ended up to be a really nice spot for a shower. If you can believe it I'd never been in the clubhouse until the day of the shower. It had a little kitchen and ample seating. Plus AC, for the weirdly hot April day. We played games like guess the baby lyric, word scramble, diaper raffle, and my personal favorite "string around the mommy" :p.I loved that my childhood friend and her mom came out from OC and SD to celebrate with me. I also loved that some people didn't RSVP so they could surprise me at the shower. The baby received a lot of cozy homemade blankets, diapers, wipes, bibs, outfits and $$.


A cozy blanket shot.


A blurred gift shot.

March 21st was my mother in law hosted shower. She wanted to throw one for her side of the family. My parents and brother came along too.This was a co-ed shower with Mr. Blog and myself opening gifts together. Mr. Blog even invited some of his friends,one of which brought his cute one year old son. It was nice seeing him toddle around, I was able to get an idea of what I have to look forward to.Its been so long since I have been around a little one. This shower also had games such as:
guess the cotton ball, and don't say baby.


Cake and pretty flowers from the shower. I was able to take the flowers home. Sadly they no longer look as good as they did in this photo :(.





This baby is loved, spoiled, anticipated. I think everyone (including his parents) is just very excited and can't wait to meet him. To think he will make his debut in less than 30 days! And.......there is still one more shower to go. Ellen. Ellen DeGeneres.I wrote a letter to Ellen and received tickets to her annual baby shower show. I've been telling the baby to hold off until then ;).

I'm in my 3rd Trimester today!

Yay! I can't believe how fast my pregnancy is going with less then 100 days to go. Its seems like I just took a test! In other news, I saw the baby move my stomach about 3 days ago. I was sitting on the couch and felt him, and happened to look down,the whole left side of my belly was moving like jello. I blinked a couple times in disbelief and looked back down, but no, what I saw was definitely movement. He is making his presence known. I called G down so he could see it too. The baby will even respond to voices and start kicking me if there is too much noise ,as he did last night when we went to dinner at Lucille's.

More Nursery News

The crib is up and the mattress is ordered and on its way. The baby's room is coming along! We need to work on the decoration end of it, but as far as the furniture goes I'm very satisfied. The crib has sort of a chemically smell so I'm glad that it has time to air out.



As you can see, I picked up a few more outfits for the baby ;)

In other news, I strained my calf muscle getting out of bed the other day. How embarrassing! Everyone has said its normal and that it's happening b/c my ligaments are stretching, but I feel so funny limping arond and looking like a war hero, only to say it happened b/c I stretched my legs before I got out of bed. I'm so glad we had a 3-day weekend b/c I spent Sunday mostly up stairs, not walking on it, and with a heating pad. :/

May 23rd is Around the Corner

WE HAVE PROGRESS! The nursery building has finally begun. Yahoo! I'm estatic. My nesting instinct has been in overdrive and we've purchased most of the furniture that we need for the nursery, we just haven't taken it out of the box/ put it together. The boxes have been calling to me, and then I start calling to G. He finally answered the call and put the dresser together yesterday while I was out registering with my mom. I love how it turned out, and it is the perfect height for diaper changing (it's going to be used for that as well). I saw it in the store, but it was up on a display shelf so I wasn't sure if it was going to be the right height or not(dang spacial distance issues). I can't stop admiring it.


On top of the dresser are two pictures that I had in my room as a child. I'm glad I kept them and the baby gets to use them too. I'll be hanging them up somewhere in the room. I also hung some of the clothes he has received on the handles.





Still don't know where this bike is going to go. I'm afraid if it's too far out of sight I won't ride it anymore :/.


*Update* G just finished putting the bassinet together!! I guess I'll be posting more pics soon.

He's been spotted!

Well, by a stranger. Take that-- I can't see, you are huge, you are small people. I never noticed just how much people noticed bodies until I became pregnant and mine became a public free for all. Anyway, out shopping with my Mom at The Mills the cashier said goodnight to me and then she waved toward my belly and said it again. I repeated myself before I realized who she was waving to, and what she was waving at. I just said oh.....he says bye and kind of laughed. Then a few minutes later a store clerk said that it was no problem helping to put the bassinet in the car b/c of "my condition". Granted the comments happened while I was buying a bassinet and some things for the nursery, but they still did. On the way out of The Mills we ran into someone we knew and they were surprised to see me and asked how far along I was. Today around the house I was wearing some pre-pregnancy clothes and Mr. Blog kindly asked me to tuck my belly in --yeah, pretty impossible at this point.